I roast my own coffee as a hobby.  It sounds complicated, and in some ways it is, but if you can make popcorn without burning it then you could roast coffee too¹.  If, however, you want to get good at roasting you need to control some variables.  Between coffee bean type, roast level, degassing times and brewing methods it would behoove you to take notes.  This is the story of these notes.

As I sit here and, using my favorite pencil, scratch out this story I am uncomfortable.  My back hurts, my hands feel trembly and my poor lactose intolerant tummy is full of pizza.

This all started because I wanted my coffee roasting to be good enough to supply gifts of coffee to friends and loved ones.  In order to roast some truly great coffee, I would have to do what I do best…Get systematic!

I began by keeping a roasting log.  I recorded what I roasted, how I roasted it, when I roasted it, how I brewed it and how it tasted.  I got a pretty good idea of what I was after and how to get it².

Then I had a radical thought, “What if I suck at this?”  It was time to go back to the “Big boys.”  And by “Big boys” I mean local cafes known for their coffee.  So, like a pilgrim, I went.  Notebook in hand and tasting notes to follow.  Turns out I did pretty good.  My coffee was better, or at least closer to what I wanted in a cup-o-mud.

Next, it was time to challenge the mighty throne of the “Big, big boys” and hit a popular cafe chain to see what all the fuss was about.  Well, their coffee was crap.  Not a huge surprise there, but it was reassuring.  It should have been obvious.  My coffee was fresher and I was using better beans.  Hell, my bean suppliers won’t even sell something as crappy as “Mermaid logo coffee”³ because those grades of coffees are usually so caked with mold they have to use a pickaxe to break it up! But, I digress.

So my coffee was good.  Good enough to gift with confidence.  That could’ve been the end of the story.  It probably should have been.

But, of course, it wasn’t.  Remember when I said that I was systematic?  Good because here we go again!

I didn’t stop at “Coffee place with pretentious nomenclature”, I went to doughnut shops too.  While there, taking notes on yet another sub par cuppa Java, I had a doughnut.  I liked it.  A lot!  And yet I seem to remember having better in the past. 

I bet you, dear reader, can guess what happened next.

Now that I had a Doughnut Tasting Log I took it upon myself to seek out the tiny mom and pop shops in search of the perfect Glazed⁴!  At one such “doughnut hole in the wall” I witnessed what appeared to be a reunion among elderly military veterans.  This made me happy so I paid attention.  One of these veterans, let’s call him “Suspenders”, had a birthday coming up in a week.  Taking this as a Notebooking related excuse for more “Round Gold” (doughnuts) I determined that it would be rude to Suspenders if I wasn’t in attendance.

I’m happy to say that witnessing an elderly birthday celebration in a doughnut shop at 7:30 in the morning is a simple and pure pleasure I won’t soon forget.  I’m less happy to say that I apparently look “young enough to know how to work a camera.”

After snapping a few photos and listening to what is wrong with young people these days, I was invited to meet my new friends at the same place and same time (7:30am!) tomorrow.

It must be said that I genuinely like these people.  They’re charming, fast with a joke and constantly laughing.  And so despite enjoying sleep, I, along with Suspenders, Petey, Eleanor, John, Jon, Millie and “The lady missing a few teeth” ⁵, have become a member of the “Old Farts’ Club” (their name, not mine) and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, why does my back hurt?  Well, “The lady missing a few teeth” (let’s call her Patty since that’s her name), who is full of piss and vinegar and insulin, was in a “bit of a pickle.”

An inkling of decency and a longing for brevity prevents me from going into details but suffice to say, I helped her move today.

So when you think to yourself that you want your notebook to be ever changing and evolving or when you think to yourself that you want Notebooking to be a portal to adventure, remember this:

A promise of bad pizza and ailing backs are not part of coffee roasting!

Be careful what you wish for!

1. You might even be able to do it in your popcorn popper!
2. And which coffees would be forgiving of sub par brewing methods!
3. I made up that name because the real “cafe” has been known to be litigious, but you know who I’m talking about!
4. I’m a purist, what can I say?
5. I’m not great with names.